Sometimes I feel like there are few people who exist fully as themselves in the public eye. I don’t blame them at all- being famous sounds like hell irrespective of how glamourized it is[1]. Nothing is private and everything about your life becomes monetized. Obviously, with indie artists it’s a different kind of fame, one not as marked by paparazzi, but boundaries around privacy are breached regardless. If you write songs, even if they’re deemed fictional, listeners will relate it back to the artist’s life. It’s part of why I love music and writing in general- to know the artists behind the scenes of their work is to know the work even deeper. But when does it cross the line from deeper knowledge to obsession? Honestly, I’m not the one to ask, seeing as how fucking crazy I am about multiple celebrities.
I bring this up because Michelle
Zauner of Japanese Breakfast seems to ride the line perfectly. She’s someone
who’s online presence I respect in a sense where she seems to be in control of
what’s put out in the world about her, while still maintaining a large fan
base. I feel like female indie artists are often exploited for their emotional
honesty. I feel like they are mined to the depths of their psyche for a good
headline, whether it’s about them being depressed or horny or angry, the story
of their art is rooted in their mental wellbeing. I don’t see that as much with
men, though maybe I’m just not paying attention. Regardless, I think Michelle
Zauner kind of cracks that idea open- she seems to be able to share only when
she’s ready.
I say this not just because I can’t
really find much about her personal life online, but also because the interviews
I have found seem like topics she’s already processed and been ready to speak
about. I’m sure she uses song writing as a way to process trauma, but it’s not
the only way she processes it. I’m not trying to do a ‘she’s not like other
girls’ kind of thing, I’ve just noticed that the way she speaks holds a certain
level of wisdom that I think comes from her 10+ years’ experience in the music
industry. I also say this as someone who is horrible at holding thoughts in
until they’re perfectly formed. I rarely think before I speak, and I’m usually
not embarrassed by anything enough to keep it a secret[2].
Maybe I’ll change my tune about how
private I interpret Zauner once I buy and read her upcoming memoir (Crying in
H-Mart, April 2021), but ultimately, I think she just is able to speak about raw,
difficult experiences with poise while still maintaining her distance from the
greedy hands of fame and fans (i.e., me). I have loved all her albums, and I love
the care and craft she puts into her music videos. I first learned of her through
a school project on intersectionality, which is a very dry way to first hear
such a badass band. Japanese Breakfast is not at all dry. It’s poppy, upbeat, thoughtfully
devastating, and an all-around jam. Seeing her live is always a damn blast,
though I will never forgive myself for the time I saw her live, went up to her
at the merch table, and immediately told her about that school project… not
only did I call her Hanbok in the Everybody Wants To Love You music video a Kimono,
but it’s also just so lame to tell a musician that you heard of them
because of school. I am actually very embarrassed about that encounter[3],
but it doesn’t prevent me from loving her music. Go listen to her albums and
buy her deeply fucking cool merch here.
[1] And
yet I crave it!! To be known on a global scale!! To be Loved! It’s my fatal
flaw.
[2] This
has gotten me in trouble so many times. I share things my friends tell me that
I think are funny stories but are actually meant to be secrets and they get
really mad at me. Sorry Grace, love you.
[3]
Again, I am never embarrassed about something enough to keep it to myself. Is
this a worthwhile anecdote? Probably not! It outs me as culturally ignorant!
But I am shameless and am always airing out my own dirty laundry.
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